I actually wrote this post a couple of months back, but never posted it because this has been a hard situation for me and I do not want to hurt anyone by posting it. Yesterday, my mom was saying I hadn’t shared any real life/body image/etc. posts lately. So, here I am…
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I haven’t written about body image in a while, but recently I have had to deal with some of my own body image issues coming back to bite me in the ass.
I like to pride myself on having a high self esteem and good body image. But, like every other human being in the world—there’s another side to the coin. Everyone can have a hit to their core once in a while. Everyone also has a “sore spot.” Meaning that one place you try to cover-up and protect, but once in a while it gets hit.
My “sore spot,” when it comes to body image, is that of myself in the romantic sense. Being intimate, sharing myself, fear of acceptance and love… That has been a part of my body image that has always been very weak (even when I was smaller than I am now).
I don’t normally share too much intimate/personal “stuff” on here. There are things that I will share and others that I keep for myself. Today I am going to share something that is very personal. This is mainly because I hope it will help other girls (or guys!) out there know that no matter how much confidence someone has on the outside, it takes a shit load of work to be that way. And, even the most composed, self assured person can have a bad day. Everyone is human, and we all need to give ourselves a break when it comes to how we view ourselves.
I’ve mentioned previously, I don’t let too many people in—that goes for platonic and romantic relationships. Recently, I have built a friendship with a guy (and am still friends with him) that I grew to have romantic feelings for. For multiple reasons, it was not reciprocated. Which is fine, everyone has their right to be attracted to/love whomever they please. Through conversations regarding this, he let slip that maybe if I was “a little smaller” he might have been interested in me romantically. (Also note, this came right after I confided in him my issues with being intimate. Can we say 'salt on the wounds’?!)
Yes, I know how terrible it sounds. You can imagine how it made me feel.
This conversation let loose all of my fears and anxieties about my body image, my weight… in romantic terms as well as non romantic.
One little sentence… hit that little “sore spot,” and I just crumbled.
This one little sentence has made me look at myself once again and see where I’m lacking. I am still a work in progress. Everyone is. So, really—give yourself a break and I will try to do the same…
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As mentioned in the beginning of this post, this was written a couple of months ago and some of this has changed (thank goodness). I have spent the last couple of months really working on how I feel about myself. Spending alone time. Focusing on me. Being open to new and different people.
I’m not perfect. My body image is a work in progress (and will always be). My romantic life is…. No comment. But, I’m feeling better about me and that’s all that matters.
Remember, nothing is irreversible. If something is poisonous to you (mentally/emotionally) then maybe it’s time to take a break and reevaluate. Fight the fight!